Tonight a miracle happened. .. Well a miracle for Southern California.
It was thunder and lightning.
I looked outside and saw the rain falling like spears that were mad at the ground. It reminded me of when I was a child. Then I slipped back, I was six years old.
I remember the trees and the smell of must and humidity, the sky looked angry and the trees looked thirsty. There was always that first drop
d
r
o
p
Rain. Rain. Rain. Rain. Rain.
I loved it, it made the trees sing with vibrant colors and the grass came to life. That was always my inspiration. Nature. The way it changed, the way it would be summer so hot you couldn't breath and then winter so long you forgot what grass looked like. I remember getting lost in my thoughts so deep that I would hear music in my head as if I was a composer and my life was the soundtrack.
I miss those times.
Creativity was always at my fingertips, and a new idea was always around the corner. They say, as you get older, you have to find inspiration in whatever your surroundings are. You have to go out there and you have to look for it.
I'm still trying to find mine.
A New Start
It has been 735 days since I've spoken my meaningful words into a cyber void.
In 735 days life has taken me so far from where I have been, I'd almost forgotten.
the pain
the ache
the wait
the faith
The faith it took to get me here. Where I am.
I remember nights of sleeplessness because of my worry, my doubts and my fears. I remember days of longing and wonder, the thought of 'What if'.
But enough of talking in code.
Let me share with you where I was and now where I am.
Two years ago, almost to the day I didn't have a stable job. I had no stable income, but I had a heart full of passion and a mind full of determination. I was ready to go wherever it was God called me. I didn't know what to do at the time, but then one day I figured it out. After 11 months of long suffering, after multiple door slams to the face, there was one that cracked open enough to see who was standing on the other side, and it was me.
I started from the bottom of the food chain like most newbies do. I worked long hours to pay rent and also to gain experience, my brain was an empty book awaiting knowledgeable words to fill it. After a short period of time, I landed a job, one I had dreamed about.
There were short joyful words.
Then there were joyful tears.
I walked into a land of new faces, new rules and new beginnings.
I was in a land called Bliss. I had never felt more blessed than in that moment when I walked through the very secure double doors into the mystery that was the 'Third Floor'. I learned new names, new rules, a new way of thinking. Here it felt like home, and home it would be until God told me otherwise.
I'm very thankful for the this place and this family I had to wait for, pray for, hurt for and hope for. I would never have it any other way, but isn't that the profound way of my Father.
In 735 days life has taken me so far from where I have been, I'd almost forgotten.
the pain
the ache
the wait
the faith
The faith it took to get me here. Where I am.
I remember nights of sleeplessness because of my worry, my doubts and my fears. I remember days of longing and wonder, the thought of 'What if'.
But enough of talking in code.
Let me share with you where I was and now where I am.
Two years ago, almost to the day I didn't have a stable job. I had no stable income, but I had a heart full of passion and a mind full of determination. I was ready to go wherever it was God called me. I didn't know what to do at the time, but then one day I figured it out. After 11 months of long suffering, after multiple door slams to the face, there was one that cracked open enough to see who was standing on the other side, and it was me.
I started from the bottom of the food chain like most newbies do. I worked long hours to pay rent and also to gain experience, my brain was an empty book awaiting knowledgeable words to fill it. After a short period of time, I landed a job, one I had dreamed about.
There were short joyful words.
Then there were joyful tears.
I walked into a land of new faces, new rules and new beginnings.
I was in a land called Bliss. I had never felt more blessed than in that moment when I walked through the very secure double doors into the mystery that was the 'Third Floor'. I learned new names, new rules, a new way of thinking. Here it felt like home, and home it would be until God told me otherwise.
I'm very thankful for the this place and this family I had to wait for, pray for, hurt for and hope for. I would never have it any other way, but isn't that the profound way of my Father.
My Puppet Hands
Pure gold, the strings that hold me together:
I lift.
I bend.
I move.
These motions are not my own.
My heart belongs to the one with empathetic eyes.
I reside in his crown.
He choreographs my voyage through this life.
He shines under my feet, never going dull.
His commands are my endeavors,
I long to be a reflection of His affections.
The enchantment of His mercies are what I yearn to know.
His devotion is what I want to know.
His relentless love is all I need to grow.
My puppet hands are forever bound to my King.
I lift.
I bend.
I move.
These motions are not my own.
My heart belongs to the one with empathetic eyes.
I reside in his crown.
He choreographs my voyage through this life.
He shines under my feet, never going dull.
His commands are my endeavors,
I long to be a reflection of His affections.
The enchantment of His mercies are what I yearn to know.
His devotion is what I want to know.
His relentless love is all I need to grow.
My puppet hands are forever bound to my King.
I Want It That Way
THE 90'S
When didn't we want to spend a day in the life of the Stratford sisters? Kat got to kiss Heath Ledger, and it was only the days of beginnings for Joseph Gordon-Levitt.. but Bianca straight owned him!
These were the examples we had set before us of what High School was about. Anyone born in my era would agree ... we were a little disappointed once we got there. Of course none of my friends lived in Cali, so we couldn't have the amazing opportunity to have perfect weather everyday, an outdoor high school, or perfect endings with some awesome one hit wonder 90's band.
And we CAN'T forget....
Who didn't want a revolving closet after witnessing Cher's perfectly arranged set of Beverly Hills attire?...Let's be honest ladies..you wanted a pair of knee high socks and a pleated skirt too. Oh...and welcome Brittany Murphy! Although I must say I didn't catch onto the awkward love triangle of wanting your step-brother until I was older. Doesn't matter, I still wanted a white barbie jeep to ride around in in California with my best friend Di and of course I would love the sound of Di and Murray fighting .... all.the.time.
Let's not forget the chain of films the 90's introduced us to...
Teenage Stupidity: Teenage Thrill: Teenage Humor:
How could we forget the series of cheesy Batman's?
And then there was those TV shows we all know we lived to watch...the theme songs we'll always remember, and the comedic actors that are currently MIA ... for the most part.
Everyone had a crush on Kel... you know it.
Well kids, we've all seen these shows and films come and go, they will always be nostalgic to us, as any era to any other generation. I just wanted to take the time to reminisce on the days of no troubles, where all we worried about was getting home in time for All That. When we dreaded our early bed time because we wanted to finish watching our favorite movie for the 12th time... that day.
So here's an ode to the 90's, thanks for having us, thanks for giving us the time of our lives, and although we shall never meet again...we will always remember your influence :)
S.E.M
Laughter makes us
Tears seal us
Distance nears us
Words bind us
Jokes define us
Hope drives us
Music rhymes us
Time decides us
Stories discover us
Love finds us
God reminds us
Tears seal us
Distance nears us
Words bind us
Jokes define us
Hope drives us
Music rhymes us
Time decides us
Stories discover us
Love finds us
God reminds us
Sparks.
This feeling of discontentment must leave,
I've become so impatient to things that take time
Always.
Patience has left me stranded somewhere between
the beginning and the finish line.
The worst place to be.
I focus on what's dangled in front of me,
but I don't have long enough arms to reach
my vision is blurred to what is around me
it's binding.
my heart pounds with purpose,
my eyes fill with motivation
yet despair falls from them.
Overwhelmed.
Sometimes.
Bring me back to the beauty in mystery,
the hype of what if's
There I was content.
Expectant.
Excited.
Happy.
I've become so impatient to things that take time
Always.
Patience has left me stranded somewhere between
the beginning and the finish line.
The worst place to be.
I focus on what's dangled in front of me,
but I don't have long enough arms to reach
my vision is blurred to what is around me
it's binding.
my heart pounds with purpose,
my eyes fill with motivation
yet despair falls from them.
Overwhelmed.
Sometimes.
Bring me back to the beauty in mystery,
the hype of what if's
There I was content.
Expectant.
Excited.
Happy.
In patience, I dwell.
I always feel I'm being told theres something better.
Something bigger.
Truth is ....
I've been waiting, waiting, waiting.
So long I have been patient and attentive to the next decision.
Every one, closer to the last one I'll ever have to make.
Sometimes I wish I was at the end, that I just finally reached my goal...
But I'm still waiting, waiting, waiting.
Attentive to every piece of inspiration.
Holding tight so that I won't forget the whole purpose
I can't become content.
I won't be become content.
I know when I arrive at the point for which I have been waiting
Nothing will be better than that moment God has promised me
This truth, I never let go of.
Hebrews 10:23: "Let us hold tightly without wavering to the hope we affirm, for God can be trusted to keep His promise."
Something bigger.
Truth is ....
I've been waiting, waiting, waiting.
So long I have been patient and attentive to the next decision.
Every one, closer to the last one I'll ever have to make.
Sometimes I wish I was at the end, that I just finally reached my goal...
But I'm still waiting, waiting, waiting.
Attentive to every piece of inspiration.
Holding tight so that I won't forget the whole purpose
I can't become content.
I won't be become content.
I know when I arrive at the point for which I have been waiting
Nothing will be better than that moment God has promised me
This truth, I never let go of.
Hebrews 10:23: "Let us hold tightly without wavering to the hope we affirm, for God can be trusted to keep His promise."
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