This feeling of discontentment must leave,
I've become so impatient to things that take time
Always.
Patience has left me stranded somewhere between
the beginning and the finish line.
The worst place to be.
I focus on what's dangled in front of me,
but I don't have long enough arms to reach
my vision is blurred to what is around me
it's binding.
my heart pounds with purpose,
my eyes fill with motivation
yet despair falls from them.
Overwhelmed.
Sometimes.
Bring me back to the beauty in mystery,
the hype of what if's
There I was content.
Expectant.
Excited.
Happy.
In patience, I dwell.
I always feel I'm being told theres something better.
Something bigger.
Truth is ....
I've been waiting, waiting, waiting.
So long I have been patient and attentive to the next decision.
Every one, closer to the last one I'll ever have to make.
Sometimes I wish I was at the end, that I just finally reached my goal...
But I'm still waiting, waiting, waiting.
Attentive to every piece of inspiration.
Holding tight so that I won't forget the whole purpose
I can't become content.
I won't be become content.
I know when I arrive at the point for which I have been waiting
Nothing will be better than that moment God has promised me
This truth, I never let go of.
Hebrews 10:23: "Let us hold tightly without wavering to the hope we affirm, for God can be trusted to keep His promise."
Something bigger.
Truth is ....
I've been waiting, waiting, waiting.
So long I have been patient and attentive to the next decision.
Every one, closer to the last one I'll ever have to make.
Sometimes I wish I was at the end, that I just finally reached my goal...
But I'm still waiting, waiting, waiting.
Attentive to every piece of inspiration.
Holding tight so that I won't forget the whole purpose
I can't become content.
I won't be become content.
I know when I arrive at the point for which I have been waiting
Nothing will be better than that moment God has promised me
This truth, I never let go of.
Hebrews 10:23: "Let us hold tightly without wavering to the hope we affirm, for God can be trusted to keep His promise."
Blah.
Lately it seems like i've lost it.
Lost all motivation
Lost the keen eye of seeing beauty.
I yearn to get back to that place.
I want to wake up to inspiration
I want to breath in a high disposition
That is all I ask.
Attitude is a decision
This I have recently found to be true.
It's a decision that is hard to make because
I think I'm incapable of doing so.
Maybe I need to stop asking for things that are
Within my grasp and realize what I am truly capable of.
That is where my motivation lies, its time for me to find it
Rather than waiting around for it to find me.
The journey starts Here.
Lost all motivation
Lost the keen eye of seeing beauty.
I yearn to get back to that place.
I want to wake up to inspiration
I want to breath in a high disposition
That is all I ask.
Attitude is a decision
This I have recently found to be true.
It's a decision that is hard to make because
I think I'm incapable of doing so.
Maybe I need to stop asking for things that are
Within my grasp and realize what I am truly capable of.
That is where my motivation lies, its time for me to find it
Rather than waiting around for it to find me.
The journey starts Here.
Paradise.
I close my eyes, and I feel fine.
I know what will happen but it's okay.
The edges blur like an old photograph
that's where my heart is, in those blurred edges
the smudged line between now and then
I see everything in old projector screens and record players
Now I'm surrounded with stories to tell
because I was the one left to tell them
I had to
My mind goes back to the days of the ripped
tattered photos in their hands, but to me it was in plain color
It's been long since then, but I still remember
I look down at the faces of youth and smile
Because although my edges are faded and torn
They are just beginning to learn what life is.
So I sleep fine tonight, and feel no obligation to wake,
I've done all i've needed, so I dream of paradise.
I know what will happen but it's okay.
The edges blur like an old photograph
that's where my heart is, in those blurred edges
the smudged line between now and then
I see everything in old projector screens and record players
Now I'm surrounded with stories to tell
because I was the one left to tell them
I had to
My mind goes back to the days of the ripped
tattered photos in their hands, but to me it was in plain color
It's been long since then, but I still remember
I look down at the faces of youth and smile
Because although my edges are faded and torn
They are just beginning to learn what life is.
So I sleep fine tonight, and feel no obligation to wake,
I've done all i've needed, so I dream of paradise.
What Do I Deserve?
Ladies,
This one is for you.
Since Valentines Day is approaching, far to quickly, I have been inspired to go against the grain in a sense and write what I feel every women needs to ask herself at one point in her life.
What Do I Deserve?
What is it that I deserve in a man, in a relationship, in a friendship all of it. So much of the time I feel like this world is focused on being in love, and being in a relationship and just being with someone in general, is good enough...well sorry to break it to you hunny but that is not nearly the case.
Think back to a past relationship, with the last guy you were with that it seemed to just be so perfect but for some obvious reason, it didn't work out. I feel as though nowadays we settle way to quickly for way less than what we're supposed to. Women seem to fall weak at the knees for anything remotely romantic from a cute face and nice body. I am NOT condemning anyone because I assure you...I HAVE BEEN THERE and done it too. We are all guilty.
The reason I am even sharing this epiphany is because I feel it will help us all to really understand, question, and think before jumping into another basket of potential hurt. You don't have to take my advice, but I know if you read this it may at least cross your mind, and truthfully that's all I ask.
We are Princesses to the greatest King creation knows, why would we settle for a man that can't treat us how God himself would. Better yet, how much would it hurt our Father to see his daughters being treated less than they were created for.
Have a beautiful day.
This one is for you.
Since Valentines Day is approaching, far to quickly, I have been inspired to go against the grain in a sense and write what I feel every women needs to ask herself at one point in her life.
What Do I Deserve?
What is it that I deserve in a man, in a relationship, in a friendship all of it. So much of the time I feel like this world is focused on being in love, and being in a relationship and just being with someone in general, is good enough...well sorry to break it to you hunny but that is not nearly the case.
Think back to a past relationship, with the last guy you were with that it seemed to just be so perfect but for some obvious reason, it didn't work out. I feel as though nowadays we settle way to quickly for way less than what we're supposed to. Women seem to fall weak at the knees for anything remotely romantic from a cute face and nice body. I am NOT condemning anyone because I assure you...I HAVE BEEN THERE and done it too. We are all guilty.
The reason I am even sharing this epiphany is because I feel it will help us all to really understand, question, and think before jumping into another basket of potential hurt. You don't have to take my advice, but I know if you read this it may at least cross your mind, and truthfully that's all I ask.
- Ladies, your man should listen to you.
- Care for you
- Make you laugh
- Don't be afraid to be the one who walks away, don't be afraid to "break his heart" because sometimes you have to do what's best for you, and you not doing what you know is right only cheats him of finding what he truly needs as well.
- Enjoy your presence as much, or even more, than you enjoy his
- You should never be in a relationship where you're putting in 100% and receiving 80% back...RUN!
- Talk about your issues ....TOGETHER!
- Lastly, let the man pursue you my loves. A man that can pursue and love a women right, is a man after Gods own heart.
We are Princesses to the greatest King creation knows, why would we settle for a man that can't treat us how God himself would. Better yet, how much would it hurt our Father to see his daughters being treated less than they were created for.
Have a beautiful day.
Chaos.
Imagine yourself in a helpless situation.
No matter how big or small it may seem to someone else, bring yourself to that place where your heart was broken, or your world crashed down, or maybe your world stopped completely.
Maybe you fell to your knees, it seemed like all of your strength just left you there because even it couldn't take the pain.
Think about it.
Youre in that moment, what do you do next?
You breathe.
What does this breath represent?
The breath represents a new beginning. After you've hit rock bottom the only thing you can do is take your next breath, the one thing that will keep you going no matter the situation. The one thing you can rely on to bring you to the next moment which couldn't possibly be worse than the last. You breathe until the day you've finally healed.
Your breath carries you there, that's where your faith lays.
Never Alone
Yesterday,
was hard.
I felt like giving up, I didn't know really where my next glimpse of hope would lay. Like I've mentioned before (maybe) this negative nature is unlike me at all, but yet I'm dealing with it. So yesterday I did what I do best, I opened the entertainment center door and looked pleadingly at the movies that hid inside, hoping that one would just call to me. You see, what often happens is when I'm feeling sad or feeling down for some reason God tends to use movies to speak to me. He has taught me so many things just by listening intently to dialogue in a movie...and God will display it differently in my ears to cater it to whatever situation I'm dealing with. It's a beautiful thing, it probably has so a lot to do with why I have such a passion for movies, and reasoning for why I want to be in the film industry. It's not for the money or for the fame, it's because movies have literally picked me out of a inevitable darkness, but that's a story for a different day.
So while there were piles of movies I loved, I picked one I've never seen, because I thought I wouldnt like it, but it felt perfect for that day.
was hard.
I felt like giving up, I didn't know really where my next glimpse of hope would lay. Like I've mentioned before (maybe) this negative nature is unlike me at all, but yet I'm dealing with it. So yesterday I did what I do best, I opened the entertainment center door and looked pleadingly at the movies that hid inside, hoping that one would just call to me. You see, what often happens is when I'm feeling sad or feeling down for some reason God tends to use movies to speak to me. He has taught me so many things just by listening intently to dialogue in a movie...and God will display it differently in my ears to cater it to whatever situation I'm dealing with. It's a beautiful thing, it probably has so a lot to do with why I have such a passion for movies, and reasoning for why I want to be in the film industry. It's not for the money or for the fame, it's because movies have literally picked me out of a inevitable darkness, but that's a story for a different day.
So while there were piles of movies I loved, I picked one I've never seen, because I thought I wouldnt like it, but it felt perfect for that day.
I began watching the movie with low expectations, but then it suddenly altered my mood. I quickly remembered why I loved doing this, and along with it I realized why God had picked it for me. There are two things really.
"Sometimes I wonder about my life. I lead a small life - well, valuable, but small - and sometimes I wonder, do I do it because I like it, or because I haven't been brave? So much of what I see reminds me of something I read in a book, when shouldn't it be the other way around? I don't really want an answer. I just want to send this cosmic question out into the void. So good night, dear void. "
Remember how I said God sometimes tweaks things in my mind to have them mean exactly what I need them to...well this is the first case of this. This was His way of telling me that "Sade, you're doing exactly what I have asked of you. You are being brave." I could have been set with my valuable, yet small life back home, settled into a secure life with secure friends, but that's not what I was called for. It was assuring getting such a definite answer to a question that keeps replaying in my mind every time I fall back to square one.
"People are always saying that change is a good thing. But all they're really saying is that something you didn't want to happen at all... has happened. My store is closing this week. I own a store, did I ever tell you that? It's a lovely store, and in a week it'll be something really depressing, like a Baby Gap. Soon, it'll be just a memory. In fact, someone, some foolish person, will probably think it's a tribute to this city, the way it keeps changing on you, the way you can never count on it, or something. I know because that's the sort of thing I'm always saying. But the truth is... I'm heartbroken. I feel as if a part of me has died, and my mother has died all over again, and no one can ever make it right."
Honestly, this quote....I don't know why but for some reason it seemed to put into words what I simply couldn't. Although the situations is 100% different than mine...the feelings she was feeling the hurt, the disappointment the emptiness that was soon to take over seemed to match mine indefinitely. I don't know how but this movie altered my mood. I did a complete 180 in how I felt. Maybe because I felt like I could relate and in the end...like always she came out on top.
The funny thing is this movie is a love story, and hope is the only thing I fell in love with.
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